True to infamous McDonald procrastination, it has been 1 year and 4 months since my last blog post. I remember the crisp, sunny day I first thought of starting a blog…. As with all great ideas, it came to me one early morning while sitting on the toilet, peeing (probably trying to poop, but that wouldn’t be polite or politically correct to say/write), and perusing the WWW (that’s world wide web, not the wrestling organization). I was sure I was going to write once a day, but as it turns out, that is like, a lot of time spent on the computer writing. And if I recall correctly, at the time I didn’t have a functioning laptop, so that meant trotting on down to the Uni computer lab, paying for parking with dimes and nickels and packing too many snacks, just to to type it all up. If you know me, which I imagine you do because I can count on one hand the people who will read this, you know that I can barely reply to text messages within a week’s time. So just imagine how difficult that would be to keep up a daily blog entry. Not to mention I would run out of funny pretty quick. I mean there is really only so much sarcasm to go around; I can’t be wasting all my good stuff every 24 hours.
BUT, here I am, 16 months wiser and cooler (and probably taller) with my fancy macbook (thanks to Jimbo!), looking like the rest of the cool kids in the Starbucks, writing on a computer that actually works and doesn’t take 45 minutes to boot up. (Disclaimer: I am not actually at Starbucks at the moment. I am however, sitting by the fireplace, with 3 farty doggies on the couch, in the same clothes I worked out in 3 hours ago…buuuut that doesn’t exactly create the same feel as the starbucks situation, so for imagination’s sake, pretend I’m showered and dressed trendy and at the coffee shop drinking something expensive that could have probably bought a child a day’s worth of meals and/or education in other parts of the world).
Now, as you can imagine, a lot of things can happen over a year and a half. Exciting things like a canine ladyfriend (Bella!), an engagement (omg mine!), a pregnancy (omg NOT MINE!), a blossoming new love (omg Mary + Bry!), a graduation (omg mum’s!), and a new career choice/move (omg RMT school! In Van! With James!). But that is all just rubbish compared to the two most recent life-changing events I encountered in the last few weeks…..
#1. I bought wrinkle cream.
Also known as ‘ day/night anti-aging, de-celerating, target correction, youth combination, bajillion dollar smart serum’. Now, this may be raising some eyebrows (hahaha), but I honestly was so excited to get this!! I have been trying to buy wrinkle cream for like the past 5 years but every time I have tried to the ladies at the Clinique counter would tell me I don’t need it yet. But finally the sweet, sweet day came and they said I should get it! It sounds crazy, wishing for a stranger to tell you that you’re looking a bit saggy and scraggily and you need some help, but it makes me feel like a real live adult! What a milestone.
#2. I farted in front of James.
Life-changer. Honestly, I could cry about how life changing this is. Now, now, hoooold the judgements. I can hear your scepticism already. Shouldn’t I feel comfortable enough to fart in front of the man I am going to marry? You’re a nurse, it’s just gas! C’mon, everybody farts!
And yes, all those things are true and I deal with poo and everything else on a daily basis at work. And I can do anything in front of James and talk about anything and say anything, but farting in front of people has always just been my no-no thing. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, and not just in front of James but not in front of anybody (except for maybe the secret quiet one once in a while in front of Kaela that I would end up denying and swearing on my life wasn’t me)! And my god, holding in a fart can be just the most horrible thing, and I know you know the feeling, like a little crazed ninja inside your belly is kicking and punching and cartwheeling in your abdomen. And then when you finally get a moment to whisk away secretly to the bathroom or get outside to let the fart out, all the sudden you can’t fart! Just awful. Anyways. James has bugged me about this forever, and would try and tickle me to death so I would have to let one go (if you ask me it is a weeeee bit creepy how much the man wanted me to fart). But I just wouldn’t give in…. Until about 2 weeks ago. And life has never been so sweet (and smelly. Except not smelly because my farts don’t smell, obviously!). I mean this doesn’t mean you can just be farting free-for-all like Bella (the boxer) does, anywhere and everywhere, but I encourage you to really be letting them loose because you will be a much happier person! Not to mention you will be way less bloat-ee. Go ahead, let it out! Be free! *Please note. This is not an excuse to let loose a really smelly fart in a confined space, say a vehicle, with the windows up. Please Fart Responsibly!
Until next time…. Probably late 2016 or something like that.
Xoxo emmy
PS - Fun fact of the day: it takes a pineapple 18 months (yes, that is a year and a half), to go from being planted to being in your mouth. Seriously, how crazy is that! Just think, since I last wrote in my blog, a pineapple seeded at the same time wouldn’t even be done becoming it’s glorious pineapple-ee self yet. I don’t know why but this just blows my mind. And I will never complain about paying over 6$ for a pineapple again! Imagine if someone offered you 6$ for a year and a half of your life! Inconceivable!